Sticks and Stones

     Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.  How many of you have heard that phrase?  We probably all have said that or heard it said as a child when someone unleashed an insult or two and the insultee wanted to prove to the insulter that their words didn’t phase them.  But of course they must have, or they wouldn’t have needed a come back!

     Words have power, and words CAN hurt more deeply than sticks or stones could ever reach.  They can express love, hate, anger, joy, etc., and can come clear from our soul or penetrate deep within it.  They can help us heal, keep us trapped in the past, or create anxiety of future things that don’t even exist other than in one’s mind. 

     A close friend of mine was telling me of someone she met (I’ll call her Jane) that has been divorced for many years and remarried someone who is loving, kind, and completely supportive of her with her MS.  Yet every time Jane speaks of her ex husband, she refers to him as her “ex the asshole.”  You’ll have to pardon my language here, but it’s important to say it just as she does because I’m going to try to make a point as to what words can do.

     To me, referring to her ex as her ex the asshole just shows that after all these years she still harbors some pretty negative feelings about him (duh).  By saying this in front of other people, she obviously wants other people to see him as that too.  It probably makes her feel better about her decision to have left him and gets the approval of others too, even though they may have never met him.  After all, who would want to stay married to an asshole?  She usually gets a laugh when she says it too.  As funny as it may seem on the surface, she’d be much better off simply calling him her ex.  Nothing more, nothing less.

     Words have power beyond what we can possibly fathom.  The best example I can think of is “And the WORD became flesh.”  We can manifest our own reality with our thoughts and words.  If you were to take the word “words” and write it over and over again, one right after the other without leaving a space between them, they actually begin to look like the word “sword.”  We do this with our words.  We can use them as swords, designed as weapons with the power to kill, or as words that can be used for love and for healing.  It’s really amazing when you think about it!  Words can be transformed into thoughts, which can be transformed into perceptions, which can be transformed into beliefs, which can be transformed into emotions, which are transformed into feelings, which result in a decision to take physical action or not.  And the power to do any of it is our own choice.  We can either kill or heal not only ourselves, but others as well, simply with our words.  We are truly unique.

     If Jane keeps referring to her ex as the asshole, she’s constantly projecting herself into her past and all its hurts and negative emotions.  If she refers to him simply as her ex, she’s just referring to the past and doesn’t have to go into the emotions at all.  She can choose to simply talk about something that involved him (because she can’t deny that that part of her life never existed), and yet not feel the emotions.  And with the kind of loving husband she has right now, she doesn’t have to go back into those emotions at all.  In fact, she’d be doing herself and her husband a huge favor if she didn’t.  She might even find out that her resentful emotions were making her MS worse.  A true holistic healing involves not just the body, but the mind and spirit as well.

     I had my own experience last month involving NO words.  If you recall, I was going on a 10-day silent retreat at St. Benedict’s Monastery.  This was one of the most profound experiences of my life.  I brought a few books along to read (many words), but they went from my suitcase to the shelf above my desk, then untouched back to my suitcase 10 days later.  I have never spent so much time in silence and meditation.  I went so deep that the only words in my head and heart were not even my own, they were God’s.  I found that I didn’t even have to pray because I myself became a living, walking, breathing prayer.  The insight that was gained by simply sitting in God’s presence and listening instead of talking is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced.  If you ever have a chance to experience anything like it, DO IT !!!  You will be moved beyond words!

“Throughout all history, the great wise men and teachers, philosophers, and prophets have disagreed with one another on many different things.  It is only on this one point that they are in complete and unanimous agreement — We become what we think about.”

Earl Nightingale